Epic Fail Miss Keesh

Yesterday my ward (church congregation) organized a service project to help the Ohio Youth Special Olympics qualifiers for this year's Summer Olympics. Guess which sport we helped out?

Bowling.

Which is fine except if you are me.

I'm a TERRIBLE bowler. Granted, the last time I bowled was... 10 years ago (or longer?), so I might be much better now, but I've had no desire to bowl all these years because I was just plain awful at it. The bowling genes seriously skipped me.
I remembered the first time I bowled was for a Young Women's activity, and I think I managed to hit a double digit (between 10 and 20). I think.
The 2nd time I bowled was for another church activity, but this time I had tiny "gutter gates" on each side to prevent my ball from rolling into the gutter. I think I hit a 70- yes, that's with the help of the gutter gates. Sigh...
The 3rd and last time I bowled, there were no gutter gates to support my bowling "skills." I can't remember what my final score was but I KNOW it was super low (probably why my brain has "conveniently" wiped out that memory).
And as far as I can recall, I've never had a strike (hit all 10 pins in one bowl) or a spare (hit 9 pins, and then the last pin on the second bowl).

Little wonder I have had no desire to bowl for so long. I did step into a bowling alley once these past 10 years- it was on a date when I was at BYU, but my date and I played the arcade games rather than bowl. I had no idea why we didn't bowl (I hadn't said anything about my lack of bowling skills), but I have to admit I was rather relieved. How embarrassing would that have turned out?!

Well, yesterday I helped five special needs children and youth in their event by making sure that each of them had a fair chance to participate, and also cheering them on. Every person played 2 games (40 chances to bowl) and at the end, everyone received a ribbon.

IT WAS SO MUCH FUN! The 5 competitors were adorable and held on to the very end. No one threw a tantrum or made a huge fuss when their balls rolled into the gutter. Yes, even the poor girl who had a really bad string of luck and whose balls kept going into the gutter at the last 2 yards or so- not even kidding. She was sad (who wouldn't be?) but she just steeled herself each time and kept bowling and bowling (she received a double digit score her 2nd game). Every competitor also had family and friends who acted as cheerleaders. They calmed each girl down whenever she got frustrated, and every time she hit even one pin, everyone cheered with joy. It was wonderful to be part of this positive atmosphere.

My five lovely competitors

Best of all, the competitors were friendly and I even received hugs from two of them! They were some of the sweetest and most optimistic people I know.

And guess what, they weren't bad bowlers themselves. There were a few spares and I think one strike. That's right, spares and strikes.

*facepalm* EPIC FAIL MISS KEESH. 

Lonely versus Lonely

 The New York Times just  published an article about sister missionaries and the difficulties that return sister missionaries face on its front page- from what I've read after quickly glancing over it (it's quite a long article), it seems well-written. Do I have an opinion of it? Yes, of course.

But everyone, please drop what you are doing right now (yes, even reading this blog post), CLINK ON THIS LINK AND READ THIS OP-ED PIECE!!! This article taken from the Utah Valley University (UVU) student paper is an article that speaks to me more than the piece from the NY Times. (Again, I do have opinion about the NY Times article but it is not my intention to comment on that here).
In case the link doesn't work, TRY THIS LINK (okay it's really the same link, but if you don't succeed the first time, try again right?).

If you are not Mormon, please drop me a note and I'll explain the terminology to you.

Also, if you don't like the article from the UVU paper, you can unfriend me from Facebook and real life right now. Because if you don't like the article, I guarantee that you will not like me so you mind as well stop being my friend. I don't subscribe to all the author's views, but I sure do agree 99% with her.

Let me count the 101 ways in which I love this article (alright, maybe only 11 but still!): 

1) The way she pointed out how ridiculous it is that A FEW (not all- I am aware that I should not lump them all together) church leaders measure spiritual preparedness and maturity according to age, mission or marital status. 

2) The way she tried to understand the hesitancy of her church leaders in issuing her a temple recommend instead of simply going on an angry rant saying how unfair the church is and there is gender inequality, blah blah blah. 

3) The way she illustrated how A FEW (once again, not lumping) Mormon/ LDS men do have ridiculous "criteria" of their "future spouses" - "There was the guy who told me, without blinking an eye, that it was weird that I decided to receive my endowments alone, without a husband. And the time a guy flat out told me he wouldn't date me due to my prior endowment. All of these boys were LDS." 

4) The way she refused to let the bad experiences she had with these "boys" sour her from still aiming to date and marry a LDS man - "Another co-worker took it upon himself to inform me that I should date outside of my religion if that's what I wanted...Because apparently Mormon dudes just aren't into a girl like me, whatever that means. I simply refuse to believe that LDS men are that vapid and shallow." 

5) This quote: "When I go back to the congregation I grew up in, the most commonly asked question is whether or not I’m dating anyone. When my answer is that I’m still single I usually get asked why. Not when I graduate or even what I’m planning to do when I’m done with school. Just if I’m dating." 
I understand that people ask about my dating status because they are concerned, so I'm not offended, but I do wish people would stop asking me "why" after they find out I'm still single. Believe me, I wish I knew why too! Also, like she said, my life is more than my (lack of) dating status. 

6) This quote: "I’ve been told I’m too picky and that’s why I’m single. I think that’s funny. Of all the things in this world to be picky about, wouldn’t my eternal companion be at the top of that list? Also, I’m not picky. I’m particular. There’s a massive difference."

7) This quote too: "A coworker...asked me what my type was when it came to dating. I said, in all seriousness, “All I want is a guy who is my equal intellectually and doesn’t look at porn.” She laughed. Apparently that’s unreasonable."

8) And this quote as well: "When I say someone who is my equal intellectually I don’t say that to be uppity. What I mean is that I am a very driven person. I have lofty goals and big aspirations... I want someone who is inspired by my goals, not intimidated. And I want someone who reads, and reads a lot." 

9) Her wit and sense of humor. 

10) The way she ended her editorial piece- which conveys my thoughts exactly: "As I inched towards my 30s, I’ve braced myself for the all too realistic thought that I may not marry in this life and if I do manage to pull that off, I will most likely be well into my 30s. Sometimes I feel like I should try harder, to be a good Mormon girl and focus solely on getting married. That sounds exhausting. I think I’ll conquer the world in the meantime."
Now, I'm not begrudging or judging my girlfriends who married early and now have the "white picket fence and 2.5 kids." I'm sincerely happy for them, and I do NOT believe that they got married because they focused their energies on getting a man (and I don't think the author believes this either).
What I agree with is this writer's conclusion: I'm not going to wait around and bemoan the lack of a man in my life. There are plenty of things I can and should do with my life. This is a time that God has given me to explore, grow and learn more about myself. Graduate school certainly wasn't where I thought I'll end up, but here I am. And while I struggle with grad school, I'm grateful for all that I've learned from going through this painful process. 

11) Finally, the way she articulated the EXTREMELY DIFFICULT choice that (older) single Mormon women (and some men) face:

COMPANIONSHIP BUT NO TEMPLE MARRIAGE
vs.
HOLDING OUT FOR A TEMPLE MARRIAGE THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAPPEN

The author isn't advocating either choice but merely demonstrating how difficult it is for singles to cling on when reality smashes idealistic notions of enduring love, temple marriage, and happily ever afters. Either way it's a no-win situation, a case of lonely versus lonely.

The Church should continue to preach the ideal and doctrine of eternal marriage- this is, after all, what the Church stands for. I myself draw hope from this doctrine. But let us also be more understanding and less judgmental of people who choose differently from us. We may strive to emulate Sheri Dew or Barbara Thompson, but it sure is one heck of a lonely and tough road to be on.

Miss Keesh's Top Ten 2013 Memories

It's my annual Top Ten Memories of the Year. In case you missed last year's, click HERE for last year's. It was a bit of a struggle to come up with the list this year because so many things happened. So if you don't see your name on this list, please know that it isn't because you aren't significant in my life or something. I have to limit my post to 10 if not you will get bored scrolling through the list. And without further ado, here's my list for 2013 (#1-9 in no particular order):

1) I survived my first year of grad school.
*\(^o^)/* *\(^o^)/* *\(^o^)/* *\(^o^)/* *\(^o^)/*
You have no idea how relived I am that it's over and NEVER coming back again. La la la la la...

2) Boston for Spring Break to visit my bestie and her husband. I just realized that I promised a post on Boston, but didn't deliver. Oops! Let's just say I LOVED IT, and this memory of Boston was made more poignant when the Boston Marathon bombings occurred a few weeks later. I'm glad the city pulled together through the difficult time. Thanks to my bestie and the city for being wonderful hosts. We did so many things: New England Aquarium, Museum of Fine Arts, Harvard Museum of Natural History (that had a STUNNING glass flowers exhibition), sitting public transportation, other things, and of course, American history which I soaked up like a sponge. Here's a couple more highlights:

Touring Harvard, and doing the standard "tourist" thing of touching the golden shoe of John Harvard

Taste of home! Love love love

Lunch at Faneuil Hall Marketplace, more commonly known as Quincy Market

3) One month visit back to Utah in May- oh yeah! I had so much fun. You can read about it from THIS post and THIS post.

4) Drove from Ohio to Utah ALL BY MYSELF. 27 hours of driving, driving, driving. Not in a hurry to do that again. Thank goodness for awesome friends who let me stay with them in Kansas and Colorado along the way!

Which reminds me, I drove to and drove through 11 states this year!!! Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Kansas, Colorado, Utah, Pennsylvania, New York, Massachusetts, Kentucky, Michigan. Whether it's just to visit friends or to attend a wedding, I'm very grateful for the people in my life that give me excuses to travel :) And I love my 13 year old car! 

5) Christmas Visit to Michigan. You can read about it HERE. Miss the kids!

6) Cedar Point (Roller Coaster Capital of the World!) on July 4th. One of my favorite birthdays ever! Plus this summer was beautiful and not too hot.

7) Gave my first presentation at a graduate student conference at Loyola University in Chicago. Nothing spectacular, and the presentation went fine, but it was weird to be a presenter. The things I do to boost my resume for a career I don't even know I want to pursue... what is wrong with me?!

8) Moved in with Miss Cee to a new apartment, and I love it! It is a blast living with Miss Cee, if you can't tell from reading THIS post (remember THE BAT anyone?), THIS post and THIS post. We also took my sister to visit Kirtland one day, and we enjoy exploring new places to eat as well. Plus, my apartment is only 30 seconds from the bus stop to school- hard to beat that!

9) I officially became a resident of Ohio (see THIS post)! HUGE significance because if you know me, I HATE change and I detest moving, and it takes a long time for me truly settle in and feel comfortable in a new place. This year, sometime after I got back from Utah, I finally felt like I belonged. I have a core group of solid awesome friends, I have a nice apartment, the ward (church congregation) is great, I'm collecting an income (tiny and unsteady but income nonetheless!), I'm slowly collecting furniture... Add in the fact that I was called to be the Relief Society president of my ward as well (so grateful for my terrific presidency!), and that I have to get to know all the women in my ward...Viola! Ohio finally feels like my home away from home (Singapore).

10) Last but not least, this year has been one which has been very painful but miraculously healing as well, and period of tremendous growth. Two events stand out in particular:

1. If you can't already tell, I'm not exactly having the time of my life in grad school. I'm dead serious when I say my first year was very traumatizing. Hence, it was such a pleasant surprise when I went back to Utah for a month in May, and was healed emotionally (read HERE). I never expected to heal while there, but it came. And all I can say is, God knows me, and He knew how to heal me, and I'm grateful for His power and mercy. I'm still deeply conflicted over whether I want to quit after my 2nd year, but I'm assured that if continuing is God's plan for me, He'll give me the strength to carry on. 

2. This year I also got my heart broken for the very first time, and when I mean heart broken, I don't mean broken over a small tiny crush. I mean as in I was rejected and cried-for-a-few-days-type-of-heartbreak. No I didn't break up with anyone. Ha! If I started dating anyone you can be sure I'll let you know. Alas, that was not the case. To make a long story short, I had a really good friend whom I gradually developed a MEGA HUGE crush on over this year. I told him about it, and (sadly) he told me that he didn't reciprocate. Hold on before you call him a jerk though. He did it in a very mature and nice way, and handled it with a lot of sensitivity. In other words, he rejected me in the best way possible, and I thank him for that. 

Suffice to say, I was really sad for a long time. But then you know what? The most amazing thing happened. About 2 months passed after the incident, and as I sat in church one Sunday, I realized that even though nothing developed there, I was now okay with it, and I even missed his friendship! So I called him up that Sunday night, and we just talked about school, family, life, etc. We didn't mention anything about what transpired before, and it was a good conversation.

And I felt liberated. Isn't that so weird?! But that was how I felt! It's like, I was healed and could move on with my life, and still enjoy his friendship. It felt great!!! Once again, God worked a miracle in my heart. I have no idea how He did it, but He healed me and made it possible for me to move forward. 

Well, those were my top 10 memories for 2013. Wonder what 2014 has in store for me. Will I stay in grad school? Any new exciting travel destinations? Will 2014 finally be the year I meet him? We'll just have to see. Happy New Year to you, my readers, and thank you for putting up with my erratic postings!

Christmas Break 2013

Belated Merry Christmas everyone! I hope all of you had a blast being with family and friends while celebrating the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. 

Me, I had a great, restful Christmas. Some of my favorite things I did over the break:
- Google Hangout with my family, including my sister who is on a mission in AUSTRALIA(!) on Christmas Eve night. I LOVE MY FAMILY!!! And I love technology that lets us video chat with each other, even though we are thousands of miles apart. 
- Spend Christmas Eve night with the missionaries in my ward having dinner and playing games. Special thanks to the missionary couple in my ward who hosted it :)
- Attend a Venezuelan Christmas dinner hosted by my church friend's mother, and eat SUPER delicious food. It's food I dream about- it's that good.
- Sleep in and laze around my apartment
- Watch Catching Fire and read the Hunger Games Trilogy (another post) and dream about Finnick Odair! 

And this year, I drove up to Michigan and spent a few days with family friends before Christmas Day, and got to hang out with these three little cuties:

These three children are like nephews and nieces I don't have and they are A TON of fun to be with! For example, that little girl is slightly older than two years old, and is learning to talk and converse with people, resulting in conversations like this:

Me: Hey little missy, who's adorable?

Little Missy: Me!

Me: Who's Little Missy?

Little Missy: Me!

Me: Who's adorable?

Little Missy: Me!

Me: Who's pretty?

Little Missy: Mommy!

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha darn right! And then when I asked her to pose for my camera, she did this...

...and held this pose until I took her picture. SOOOOOOO ADORABLE!!! 

The middle child, Little Mister O, is equally adorable and EXTREMELY SMART. He's only four and just started learning how to read, but he can already read scriptures (and I mean the adult version, not the simplified kids version), tell time, and does math that I know I could not do when I was his age, such as 47 - 7 = ? and 36 + 8 = ? A 4 year old who does math like a first grader (or better) *fainz* 

The oldest, Little Mister J, is a TERRIFIC big brother who is very well-rounded. Not only does he excel in school, he's a very good piano player, and enjoys all kinds of sports- baseball, soccer, football, basketball, etc. I played checkers with him and we tied- can you believe it?! So embarrassing for me! And he has A BIG HEART. It comes across so obviously in the way he interacts with his siblings, like the way he allows his younger brother to score on him in soccer, or the way he gently plays with his little sister. 

And just to show them off a little bit more, the two older brothers can:

- Name the fifty states of America

- Name the capitals of the fifty states of America (seriously. I can't)

- Name the states that border Texas (there's four of them). 

- Beat me in soccer and baseball. We played these two sports in their basement, and even the four year old scored more goals and batted more balls than I. *Miss Keesh epic fail* 

- Most importantly, they are VERY well-behaved. I was so impressed!

Doing the best I can with my camera phone. I think the older two tried to make bunny ears.

It was very lovely visiting their family, and a nice break from Columbus.

While in Michigan I also visited the Henry Ford Museum, and I highly recommend it to everyone, especially those who love American history. I'm a museum junkie, and I know a good museum when I visit one. There's lots of cool American history artifacts, such as the Rosa Parks bus, the limousine that John F. Kennedy was assassinated in, the chair that Abraham Lincoln was shot in, and of course, the Ford T Model. Plus it was interactive, clean, and very kid-friendly. 

Too bad the Christmas season is over, which means my holiday is creeping to a close. *sigh* I could really use another month of break. 

How was your Christmas break? Would love to hear about it! 

Off for break! *RAWR*

So guess what?!

I'm DONE with my semester! Unlike last year where I had to write a paper over the break. It was a terrible first year. This year I managed to get all my papers and grading done last Saturday afternoon, which meant I'm officially on break till Boxing Day (Dec 26), and able to take 3 hour long naps. 

*\(^o^)/* *\(^o^)/* *\(^o^)/*

Anyway, I know most of my colleagues hate grading because it's time consuming. I agree. But I think I rather grade 50 papers than write one paper.  Yes, that's me. I'm crazy. But hey, remember I'm not in my program for the research but for the teaching part of it.  

Plus sometimes, on the rare occasion, you come across an answer that makes you laugh and cry at the same time, and turns on my sarcasm like no other. (Please note that these were take-home exams, so it wasn't like they didn't have time to review their answers before submitting them in.)

Like:
"After the invasion of the Mongols, the Chinese grew an affinity for all things Chinese."- really? As opposed to an affinity for all things American before that of course. Nothing like a foreign invasion to make you finally appreciate your own culture, even if you developed it. 

Or:

[Referring to the invention of the Korean alphabet, Hangul] "Literary action boomed in the 17th and 18th centuries, with poets writing short poems (sijo), long poems (saseol sijo), and even longer poems (gasa)."
First, "literary action boomed." Hmm... 
Second, "short poems, long poems, and even longer poems." *head palm* Shakespeare would have been so proud.
To give that student credit, it sounds like there are significant differences in the three types of poetry in Hangul...maybe. S/he just didn't phrase it well. 

But overall my students didn't too badly. I mean, at least they didn't write something completely inaccurate like what one of my colleague's student wrote:
It was not good to be a Christian during the time of the Crusades. (*sound of head banging against the wall*)

These poor college students. I think it's because they are in college that we have high expectations of them. If they were kids, then their answers would be viewed in a whole different light. Like the kids in THIS WEBSITE. Can't stop laughing!

Anyway, I'm off to sleep. HOORAY!!! 

(Link in case you can't click it http://www.viralnova.com/kid-notes/)

Going Crazy from Finals

Remember the 25-page draft from my previous post that got torn into shreds? Well, I turned my 3rd (and sort-of final) draft in yesterday, Wednesday, 12/11/2013 at 11:59pm (on the dot!). Take that stupid 8000-level paper! I'll dig it up again some time in April for my Masters defense, but for now, I'm soooo excited that I'm don't have to touch it again for the next few months. Oh yeah!

Now all I have left is a teaching portfolio that I don't plan on spending more than a couple hours on, and grading (which I'll leave for another post), and I will be done with this semester.

But that meant that my entire yesterday was spent doing nothing but writing, writing, writing, writing... did I mention writing? By 6pm I starting getting a little cross-eyed from staring at the computer screen. By the time I hit the "send" button, my brain was completely fried. I was so ready to hit the sack and not set my alarm.

And then I realized that I needed to get up early in the morning to send my colleague to the airport, and I mean early, as in 4:40AM. Dang it! (Not to the part about sending him to the airport but about getting up early)

Anyway, I managed to drag myself out of bed, and when I reached his apartment, I texted him that I was outside. I scrolled through his previous texts to see if I had missed anything, and read, "...my plane is at 6am on Friday morning...(pick him up) 4:40 ish?" And I thought: 4:40am pick him up- check. Friday morning pick him up- check.

Wait a minute.

WAIT A FREAKING MINUTE.

It wasn't Friday morning. It was Thursday morning.

And so ladies and gentlemen, I got up at the unholy hour of 4:15am, changed, grabbed a bite to eat, sat in my car for 5 minutes waiting for it to warm up, drove all the way to his house (thank goodness it was only 10 minutes away), texted him, and then I realized that I HAD GOTTEN THE DAY WRONG. Somehow my brain thought that today was Friday. 

 I wanted to bang my head against the steering wheel, but settled for a *facepalm* instead.

And this is why I'm sitting back in my apartment at 5:54am typing this post because my body can't go back to sleep (it'll probably crash around 8am, maybe?). The next time someone asks me why I dislike grad school so much, I'll direct them to this post.

Seriously, I'm going crazy.

So here's to all of you out there who are either done with finals or taking finals- here's to wishing you a better experience than I had, and hoping that your brains are not as fried as mine.

Changing the blog title this weekend to

DAZED IN BUCKEYE LAND.

Still kind of numb (although the feeling of disappointment and heartbreak threatens to invade from the fringes)

Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why??????????????

HOW IN THE WORLD DID WE LOSE TO MICHIGAN STATE???
Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Going to curl up and cry in a corner for, well... okay, I won't, but I AM extremely disappointed.

I may not be a huge sports watcher, or the even biggest fan of the Buckeyes, and I still don't understand the game of football much, but I LOVE SCHOOL SPIRIT. Gimme some school rivalry-ing! St. Nicks v. Cedar Girls; BYU v. the-apostate-school; OSU vs. the-blue-school-that-shall-not-be-named. Yes, I have my mean moments, and school spirit is when my meanness manifests itself in it's most nasty form.

And tonight's game may not have been against *erhem* you-know-who-that-shall-remain-unnamed, but MSU is sort-of it's "little brother" so... *sigh* Not the end of the world of course, but it's still SAD!!!