Stuck in Limbo

I did my Master's defense today.

Did I pass?

Yes and No.

Really.

Yes, because I did! My committee grilled me for a good hour, and made me realize how much I don't know. But at least I passed!

No, because the stupid Graduate School of OSU (not, thank goodness, associated with the History department) messed up my paperwork, and now I need to resubmit in my application for "graduation" ALL OVER AGAIN. Worse, because of the messed up paperwork, the person from the Graduate School said that the report form, with the signatures of my committee members stating that I passed, was "invalid."

INVALID.

Worse
Word
Ever.
Gave me heart palpitations. And he said that I had to take the exam again.

WHAT THE CRAP WAS THIS???

Apparently, the messed up occurred because I had signed up to do my defense as part of Spring semester, but because of various reasons, my defense could only take place after the semester ended but before Summer semester began. It's a very slim window between these two semesters, but I was told that May 6 was one of the dates that fell within this window of opportunity. Hence, I scheduled it today.
Well, May 6 turned out to 2 days too late and part of Summer semester, and so my application for "graduation" in Spring was canceled. Fine, my bad (or whoever it was that told me May 6 was okay). Except that THE GRADUATE SCHOOL DID NOT TELL ME THAT MY APPLICATION WAS CANCELED. 

How can you cancel an application for graduation without telling the student? What type of university administration are you? Such oversight is unacceptable.

Also, I can't apply for summer graduation because I'm not registered for classes during the Summer. Therefore, if I want to obtain my Master's, I either
1) Register for summer classes, retake the exam, and submit in the paperwork all over again
OR
2) Wait till Fall semester, retake the exam, and submit in the paperwork all over again.

I broke down in tears at this point. How could I not? Take the exam again??? Especially since I already passed?

I was so mad, I confess that I mentally cussed the graduate school. Sorry, but not sorry either.

The good news is that the situation is sort-of salvageable. After wiping my tears and talking to other graduate students who have other very vocal complaints about the Graduate School, I've learned that
a) Because I was a TA for 2 semesters, I can get a tuition waver for Summer semester. So it won't cost me to register for an independent research class - THANK GOODNESS AND HOORAY!
b) I'm not the first graduate student to encounter this stupid situation (seriously?), so all I need to do is talk to the history department coordinator, who will help me. Not to worry. All I will need to do is resubmit all the paperwork again, which is a huge pain, but NO RE-TAKING OF THE EXAM. Once again, thank goodness and hooray!

But right now, I'm stuck in limbo. Passed but not passed. And I hate limbo. Worse feeling ever!

Wish me luck as I try to salvage the situation.

Just Don't Do It

Dear Students of Mine,

Just some words of advice:

1) Don't cheat (or plagiarize) please.

JUST
DON'T
DO
IT.

Period.

If you do, I'm going to have to report you, and then you'll just be wasting my time, your time, and everyone else's time. And it will seriously (sorry for the crude language but this best reflects how I feel) piss me off.

2) If you do cheat, then at least do it in a smart manner. Cheating involves a lot of planning and skill (see the movie Ocean's Eleven for example). Some tips:

•  If you consistently get "C"s on your papers and failed your mid-term, AND you are also consistently late to class and sit at the back, please don't suddenly start giving me "A" answers for your in-class and closed-book final exam. Seriously. Way too suspicious. 
•  If you use Wikipedia, don't pick out phrases and write them in the same sequence as they appeared in the opening paragraph.
• Don't include material that appears in the Wikipedia entry, but was never mentioned in the lectures or lecture slides. It makes the grader go, "Hmm... where did he/ she get this from?" Although I guess this is a moot point, since the reason you are cheating in the first place is probably because you did not listen to the lectures.
• Recycle your answers. Such as in this hypothetical example:

If the 1st half of the exam asked you to identify key figures in the Civil Rights Movement (ID section), and the 2nd half of the exam asked you an essay question about the Civil Rights Movement, at the very least use your cheated answers from the 1st half to help you.
Do not give me "A" answers for your IDs, and then write an incoherent essay on the same topic that did not bring in anything from your ID answers. *facepalm* If you want to cheat, at least do it smartly- recycle your answers! If you don't, that's like jumping up and down in front of the grader with flashing red and yellow and orange lights, saying, "Something-something's going on! HELLO?!"

Hypothetical example of course.

When in doubt, always refer back to 1). If you are struggling, just come talk to me and I will try my best to help you.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Miss Keesh

**The kicker? The essay section was so badly done, it wasn't enough to save the first half of the exam, so that person STILL FAILED. Guess that person received his/her comeuppance after all.

Because of Him

Every time General Conference comes around, I feel like this whenever I log onto Facebook:

www.quickmeme.com

There is on onslaught of memes and cute quotes from General Conference, some of which are very pretty and cute, but to be honest,

I

don't

care.

*gasp* 

Sorry, I'm just not one of those people. I guess it's because 

1) I heard the exact same thing you heard, and don't need it to be repeated on my Facebook wall. Seriously.

2) What touched and inspired me is different from what touched and inspired you, and so an inspiring quote may have lifted you up but didn't do anything for me. And vice versa. 

Now, you may say, "It's a missionary tool!" Look, let's be honest here -- non-Mormons looking at your quote/ meme featuring Pres. Utchdorf (he appears in so many memes for valid reasons- he IS awesome!) have no idea who the heck he is, so why should they care what he has to say?

Just saying. 

But you know what, everyone expresses their faith differently, and some quotes cut across cultural and religious boundaries, so carry on. I'll just make sure I don't log onto Facebook these 2 days, and if I do, please don't be offended if I skip over your post. 

Having said that, I want to share this video that I think is simply magnificent and especially relevant this Easter season. And yes, I know that I just said that what inspired me may not have the same effect on you, but I hope this video does inspire you. 

The mission president of the Columbus Mission shared this video at a church event last night, and he downloaded it from mormon.org. After watching the it, I thought to myself, "Why is this on mormon.org and not on lds.org?! It needs to be on lds.org too!" 

Let us remember this Easter and throughout the year how special our Savior, Jesus Christ, was. He was a perfect example of everything good in this world, but He was also so much more. Because of Him, I and everyone else can be so much more as well. 

Enjoy! 

(If the video doesn't work on my blog post, please click HERE or HERE)

I Told You Grad Sch Was Hard

A few of my colleagues have shared this on Facebook, so you might have seen this floating around on your feed.

But guys, I have to re-post it here just because I need to feel justified in my whining about graduate school- "It's so hard... we read and write A TON... I'm so tired... It's so hard..." Every PhD student goes through the same rigorous process, so fellow PhD students unite!

But here's a glimpse of how much writing a PhD student of history does for their dissertation alone:

Source: http://beckmw.wordpress.com/2013/04/15/how-long-is-the-average-dissertation/

Yes, that's right, history tops the list. And according to one colleague, that doesn't even include the index and gazillion pages of bibliography (how do people even read this much?!). It also doesn't include the pages and pages of writing for semester/ term papers. No wonder historians churn out books that are at least 200 pages in length- they're trained to do so in graduate school!

And this is only the writing part. Who knows how the graph will be if we measured how much reading PhD students do? I bet history will be somewhere at the top of the list too.

You may go, "Well, of course, duh, isn't that what historians like to do all day? Read and write? So stop complaining because you get funded to do what you like to do all day." Or you may say, "History writing requires that many pages in order to make a convincing case."

Yes and no.
Yes, I love to read, but no, I don't really like write. (Other historians may be the reverse from me, or they may like reading and writing.)
Yes, I get funded, but no, it's not a lot of money and it's not a stable income.
Yes, some histories need that many pages to make a convincing case, but no, I don't think every book needs to be that long. Some history books drag on (500+ pages...*bang head against wall*), and sometimes I wonder if historians produce such lengthy works simply because "the system" requires it. What if the system required historians to only write 100-page books? Or the system was based on churning out articles rather than books? Is it possible? Sure, but the current system isn't like that, so we either conform or get out.

Such is the life of a History doctoral student. *sigh*

My 0.2 Seconds of Fame

Everyone, this post is going to be about Me, Myself and I. Not that other posts aren't any less about me, but this post is going to be extra narcissistic.

You have been warned.

I came home on Friday to see a box from Deseret Book Publications lying at my doorstep. I had been expecting this package for a looooong time but didn't know exactly when it was going to arrive, so I was super super super excited to finally receive it.

I opened the package and pulled this out:

Love the beautiful blue jacket cover!

This is volume 3 of an ongoing series (7 volumes in total) called Women of Faith in the Latter Days, which you can find more information about at THIS LINK. One of the editors, Brittany Chapman, is a good friend of mine and who is also one of the loveliest and even-tempered people I know.

Each volume consists of biographical chapters of about 25 Latter-day Saint (Mormon) women born within a certain time frame of 25 years (e.g. volume 3 is about women between 1846 to 1870). Every chapter consists of a one-page biographical sketch, and nine to eleven pages of these women's writings culled from journals/ diaries, newspapers, magazines, interviews, etc.

I excitedly flipped open the book and saw this:

Do you see it?! Here is the page zoomed in at a particular section...

Now do you see it?!?!?!?!

Yup, my chapter on President George Albert Smith's wife, Lucy, has been published! And the ebook version has another chapter on a well-known writer, Louisa Lula Greene Richards, that I contributed as well but that didn't make it into the hardcover version. Deseret Book told me it's because they wanted to keep cost low to boost sale prices, so some chapters were taken out. Sad, but that's reality. 

What's sadder is that Deseret Book hasn't sent my copy of the ebook yet, so even I have not read that chapter. Waiting in anticipation... 

But at least I have the hard copy- HOORAY! 

I specifically asked that Deseret Book use this picture of Lucy. When I received the manual on Pres. Smith, I opened the book to read his biography, and I literally gasped when I saw a picture of his wife, Lucy. She has such a serene gaze with her striking, clear eyes, plus she's beautiful. I'm glad that this very picture even made it to the front cover of the book! Moral of the story: Read the biographies in the front of the manual- it's really interesting, especially the parts about courtship and marriage(s). Or maybe it's just because I'm a romantic at heart. 

Anyway, Lucy's chapter is essentially about her love story with her husband. I included a letter she wrote to him while they were courting, and excerpts from her mission to the Southern States with her husband from 1892-4. Her writings are tender, romantic and full of faith. I enjoyed writing her chapter, and hope readers enjoy getting to know her better. 

And that, my dear readers, is my 0.2 seconds of fame. Please let me soak it in before I return to reality.

Hope everyone had a great Conference weekend :)

Epic Fail Miss Keesh

Yesterday my ward (church congregation) organized a service project to help the Ohio Youth Special Olympics qualifiers for this year's Summer Olympics. Guess which sport we helped out?

Bowling.

Which is fine except if you are me.

I'm a TERRIBLE bowler. Granted, the last time I bowled was... 10 years ago (or longer?), so I might be much better now, but I've had no desire to bowl all these years because I was just plain awful at it. The bowling genes seriously skipped me.
I remembered the first time I bowled was for a Young Women's activity, and I think I managed to hit a double digit (between 10 and 20). I think.
The 2nd time I bowled was for another church activity, but this time I had tiny "gutter gates" on each side to prevent my ball from rolling into the gutter. I think I hit a 70- yes, that's with the help of the gutter gates. Sigh...
The 3rd and last time I bowled, there were no gutter gates to support my bowling "skills." I can't remember what my final score was but I KNOW it was super low (probably why my brain has "conveniently" wiped out that memory).
And as far as I can recall, I've never had a strike (hit all 10 pins in one bowl) or a spare (hit 9 pins, and then the last pin on the second bowl).

Little wonder I have had no desire to bowl for so long. I did step into a bowling alley once these past 10 years- it was on a date when I was at BYU, but my date and I played the arcade games rather than bowl. I had no idea why we didn't bowl (I hadn't said anything about my lack of bowling skills), but I have to admit I was rather relieved. How embarrassing would that have turned out?!

Well, yesterday I helped five special needs children and youth in their event by making sure that each of them had a fair chance to participate, and also cheering them on. Every person played 2 games (40 chances to bowl) and at the end, everyone received a ribbon.

IT WAS SO MUCH FUN! The 5 competitors were adorable and held on to the very end. No one threw a tantrum or made a huge fuss when their balls rolled into the gutter. Yes, even the poor girl who had a really bad string of luck and whose balls kept going into the gutter at the last 2 yards or so- not even kidding. She was sad (who wouldn't be?) but she just steeled herself each time and kept bowling and bowling (she received a double digit score her 2nd game). Every competitor also had family and friends who acted as cheerleaders. They calmed each girl down whenever she got frustrated, and every time she hit even one pin, everyone cheered with joy. It was wonderful to be part of this positive atmosphere.

My five lovely competitors

Best of all, the competitors were friendly and I even received hugs from two of them! They were some of the sweetest and most optimistic people I know.

And guess what, they weren't bad bowlers themselves. There were a few spares and I think one strike. That's right, spares and strikes.

*facepalm* EPIC FAIL MISS KEESH. 

Lonely versus Lonely

 The New York Times just  published an article about sister missionaries and the difficulties that return sister missionaries face on its front page- from what I've read after quickly glancing over it (it's quite a long article), it seems well-written. Do I have an opinion of it? Yes, of course.

But everyone, please drop what you are doing right now (yes, even reading this blog post), CLINK ON THIS LINK AND READ THIS OP-ED PIECE!!! This article taken from the Utah Valley University (UVU) student paper is an article that speaks to me more than the piece from the NY Times. (Again, I do have opinion about the NY Times article but it is not my intention to comment on that here).
In case the link doesn't work, TRY THIS LINK (okay it's really the same link, but if you don't succeed the first time, try again right?).

If you are not Mormon, please drop me a note and I'll explain the terminology to you.

Also, if you don't like the article from the UVU paper, you can unfriend me from Facebook and real life right now. Because if you don't like the article, I guarantee that you will not like me so you mind as well stop being my friend. I don't subscribe to all the author's views, but I sure do agree 99% with her.

Let me count the 101 ways in which I love this article (alright, maybe only 11 but still!): 

1) The way she pointed out how ridiculous it is that A FEW (not all- I am aware that I should not lump them all together) church leaders measure spiritual preparedness and maturity according to age, mission or marital status. 

2) The way she tried to understand the hesitancy of her church leaders in issuing her a temple recommend instead of simply going on an angry rant saying how unfair the church is and there is gender inequality, blah blah blah. 

3) The way she illustrated how A FEW (once again, not lumping) Mormon/ LDS men do have ridiculous "criteria" of their "future spouses" - "There was the guy who told me, without blinking an eye, that it was weird that I decided to receive my endowments alone, without a husband. And the time a guy flat out told me he wouldn't date me due to my prior endowment. All of these boys were LDS." 

4) The way she refused to let the bad experiences she had with these "boys" sour her from still aiming to date and marry a LDS man - "Another co-worker took it upon himself to inform me that I should date outside of my religion if that's what I wanted...Because apparently Mormon dudes just aren't into a girl like me, whatever that means. I simply refuse to believe that LDS men are that vapid and shallow." 

5) This quote: "When I go back to the congregation I grew up in, the most commonly asked question is whether or not I’m dating anyone. When my answer is that I’m still single I usually get asked why. Not when I graduate or even what I’m planning to do when I’m done with school. Just if I’m dating." 
I understand that people ask about my dating status because they are concerned, so I'm not offended, but I do wish people would stop asking me "why" after they find out I'm still single. Believe me, I wish I knew why too! Also, like she said, my life is more than my (lack of) dating status. 

6) This quote: "I’ve been told I’m too picky and that’s why I’m single. I think that’s funny. Of all the things in this world to be picky about, wouldn’t my eternal companion be at the top of that list? Also, I’m not picky. I’m particular. There’s a massive difference."

7) This quote too: "A coworker...asked me what my type was when it came to dating. I said, in all seriousness, “All I want is a guy who is my equal intellectually and doesn’t look at porn.” She laughed. Apparently that’s unreasonable."

8) And this quote as well: "When I say someone who is my equal intellectually I don’t say that to be uppity. What I mean is that I am a very driven person. I have lofty goals and big aspirations... I want someone who is inspired by my goals, not intimidated. And I want someone who reads, and reads a lot." 

9) Her wit and sense of humor. 

10) The way she ended her editorial piece- which conveys my thoughts exactly: "As I inched towards my 30s, I’ve braced myself for the all too realistic thought that I may not marry in this life and if I do manage to pull that off, I will most likely be well into my 30s. Sometimes I feel like I should try harder, to be a good Mormon girl and focus solely on getting married. That sounds exhausting. I think I’ll conquer the world in the meantime."
Now, I'm not begrudging or judging my girlfriends who married early and now have the "white picket fence and 2.5 kids." I'm sincerely happy for them, and I do NOT believe that they got married because they focused their energies on getting a man (and I don't think the author believes this either).
What I agree with is this writer's conclusion: I'm not going to wait around and bemoan the lack of a man in my life. There are plenty of things I can and should do with my life. This is a time that God has given me to explore, grow and learn more about myself. Graduate school certainly wasn't where I thought I'll end up, but here I am. And while I struggle with grad school, I'm grateful for all that I've learned from going through this painful process. 

11) Finally, the way she articulated the EXTREMELY DIFFICULT choice that (older) single Mormon women (and some men) face:

COMPANIONSHIP BUT NO TEMPLE MARRIAGE
vs.
HOLDING OUT FOR A TEMPLE MARRIAGE THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAPPEN

The author isn't advocating either choice but merely demonstrating how difficult it is for singles to cling on when reality smashes idealistic notions of enduring love, temple marriage, and happily ever afters. Either way it's a no-win situation, a case of lonely versus lonely.

The Church should continue to preach the ideal and doctrine of eternal marriage- this is, after all, what the Church stands for. I myself draw hope from this doctrine. But let us also be more understanding and less judgmental of people who choose differently from us. We may strive to emulate Sheri Dew or Barbara Thompson, but it sure is one heck of a lonely and tough road to be on.