Just Don't Do It

Dear Students of Mine,

Just some words of advice:

1) Don't cheat (or plagiarize) please.

JUST
DON'T
DO
IT.

Period.

If you do, I'm going to have to report you, and then you'll just be wasting my time, your time, and everyone else's time. And it will seriously (sorry for the crude language but this best reflects how I feel) piss me off.

2) If you do cheat, then at least do it in a smart manner. Cheating involves a lot of planning and skill (see the movie Ocean's Eleven for example). Some tips:

•  If you consistently get "C"s on your papers and failed your mid-term, AND you are also consistently late to class and sit at the back, please don't suddenly start giving me "A" answers for your in-class and closed-book final exam. Seriously. Way too suspicious. 
•  If you use Wikipedia, don't pick out phrases and write them in the same sequence as they appeared in the opening paragraph.
• Don't include material that appears in the Wikipedia entry, but was never mentioned in the lectures or lecture slides. It makes the grader go, "Hmm... where did he/ she get this from?" Although I guess this is a moot point, since the reason you are cheating in the first place is probably because you did not listen to the lectures.
• Recycle your answers. Such as in this hypothetical example:

If the 1st half of the exam asked you to identify key figures in the Civil Rights Movement (ID section), and the 2nd half of the exam asked you an essay question about the Civil Rights Movement, at the very least use your cheated answers from the 1st half to help you.
Do not give me "A" answers for your IDs, and then write an incoherent essay on the same topic that did not bring in anything from your ID answers. *facepalm* If you want to cheat, at least do it smartly- recycle your answers! If you don't, that's like jumping up and down in front of the grader with flashing red and yellow and orange lights, saying, "Something-something's going on! HELLO?!"

Hypothetical example of course.

When in doubt, always refer back to 1). If you are struggling, just come talk to me and I will try my best to help you.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Miss Keesh

**The kicker? The essay section was so badly done, it wasn't enough to save the first half of the exam, so that person STILL FAILED. Guess that person received his/her comeuppance after all.