Top 10 Memories of 2022

In the order that I recalled first: 

1) I started mermaiding! 

A very niche and expensive hobby that has cost me ~$2,000 in one year for lessons, the tails, pool rentals, and other equipment! This is an unexpected and serious dip into my savings. But I'm enjoying it and the added advantage of learning basic free diving. 

2) My paternal grandfather died at 103 years old on National Day. This was my first time witnessing someone pass away, and the experience was quite surreal. I have no more living grandparents. I love this grandfather and wish I spoke Cantonese so that we could have communicated better. 

3) On the topic of family, I became a "blood" aunt this year to my adorable niece and nephew! Both my sisters gave birth two weeks apart. I ADORE being an aunt (they call me 姨妈/"Yee Ma") and am thrilled that these two spirits chose to join our family. 

4) I traveled back to the States in October to spend time with my sisters and new niece and nephew. I visited my alma mater, Brigham Young University, and it felt different to be on campus as a working adult alumni than a student. So many (mostly good) memories came rushing back, and I could finally afford the expensive BYU paraphernalia.😁 In addition I was blessed to only encounter gorgeous fall weather and foliage (thank you God!).

5) Speaking of fall foliage, I never knew how much wide open spaces of untouched land meant to me and was essential for my soul (see THIS POST).

6) While in the US, I visited three LDS temple again after a long hiatus (Covid travel restrictions...urgh!). The last time I entered the temple was in October 2019, and I never knew how much my soul needed the temple until it was taken away. I was so blessed to  visit the Provo City, Idaho Falls, and Spanish Fork temples. The Spanish Fork temple is BEAUTIFUL. 

7) After 3.5 years, I was finally released as my ward's Young Women President. I love my girls but it was time. Sometimes you just run out of ideas and have nothing left to give. I'm still an AOA though and busy with that.

8) Work has been CRAZY busy with my boss involving me in many more projects now. But as always, people forge bonds during intensive refining periods, and this was no exception. I made so many new work-friends that I feel comfortable talking and working with, and gone on more hang out lunches with them.

9) Speaking of hang out lunches, I grew much closer to my maternal cousins this year. From late-night dinners to KTV singing to Dirty Santa snatching to binge watching... I finally feel as if I have a wider net of siblings to hang out with.

10) Sis Jean B. Bingham and Sis Connie H Gordon visited Singapore in April 2022, and I had the pleasure of hosting a meeting and lunch for them. They also gave a devotional for the women in the Church that was inspiring and relit my spiritual fire. You can tell that they are women of God who are steadfast and immovable, and a genuine love for the gospel and those around them.

Honourable Mentions: Musical box museum, SSO Baroque Christmas fundraiser concert, Singapore Food Festival, Sentosa Food Truck Festival. Small events that aren't at the top but made 2022 fun and excuses for me to hang out with friends. 

My Soul Breathed

Land -- a commodity so scarce in Singapore that people pay exorbitant amounts of money to own it. In my mind, land = money. This is also why owning a big home never appealed to me because I equated it with wasted time, effort and money spent cleaning the interior and maintaining the exterior. Even when I lived in the States, whilst people saw owning a home with a white picket fence and large open yard as freedom and bliss, I only saw money down the drain. 

But something changed during my trip to the United States in October last year, where I went on 3 road trips: 

1. My youngest sister, nephew and I made the 4-hour drive to Idaho Falls to see my other sister and new niece;
2. Solo trip to the Salt Flats for an Instagram photoshoot (shot by Yours Truly✌);
3. Solo drive to visit Andrew S. and his family. [Andrew is also a Church member, and we coincidentally entered the PhD programme at OSU in the same semester. I cannot stress how much his family was a bright spot during my time there. A few years after we graduated, his family decided to eschew the "modern life" and bought a farm in very rural Holden, UT. Holden is so small it doesn't have traffic lights, only "Stop" signs. Driving through felt surreal.] 

Part of the Bonneville Salt Flats

You must understand that I dislike driving. It induces my anxiety, and despite being a seasoned road-tripper (remember this ultimate 27-hour trip done alone...twice?), road trips are nothing more than the means to get me to my destinations.

Thus, I was taken aback by the wonderment that enveloped me as I drove to the Salt Flats and Holden. With the car eating up the miles through untouched land with nary a person in sight, I was awestruck by the never-ending miles of golden-brown land, and the towering mountains in the distant horizon backdropped against the unimpeded wide azure sky. As I gazed upon the rugged yet magnificent far-off landscape, I felt a shudder through my body, and a breathe through my soul. It was a literal sigh of relief. 

One of the moments I felt that "sigh". I was driving back from Holden and nearing the I-15.

Living in urban, populous and too-manicured city-Singapore had taken an unconscious toll on my soul. I didn't realise how much I craved the isolation in wide open spaces. 

View from the airplane to the States, so not from a roadtrip. But the principle remains -- miles of untouched land makes my soul sing!

To be clear, I don't want to own the land. Too much maintenance and the anxiety-prone me will always feel insecure about serial killers, carnivorous animals, natural fires, etc. And I'm still a true-blue city girl all the way!

But to be able to run away from city life and people for a few hours, and be surrounded by acres upon acres of land untouched by the human hand? Yes. 

Owned land is money. But unowned land is gold. 

Bought a selfie-tripod with bluetooth clicker for my photoshoot at the Bonneville Salt Flats. One of the best travel accessories I've invested in! 

(Note: Of course, a fun road trips must include blasting music, the GPS, snacks, and a reliable car with good gas mileage. So even activities related to unowned land will cost money. But such costs are more incidental and incremental.) 

Top 10 Memories of 2021

Note: This is a LONG overdue post but I figured I better publish this before the 2022 edition. So enjoy what I can remember of 2021!

 2021 - oh what a year.

1) The year started out with a bang: my sister had her wedding reception at Marriott Hotel Orchard on 01 January 2021. It was SO FUN to have her and her husband, and my youngest sister back for the reception. Food was great, and so was the programme. 

2) First cruise ever! My parents, two sisters and I went on a 3-day/2-night Cruise to Nowhere a few days after the wedding reception. Love that it was just the 5 of us (probably the last time ever), and we had so much fun eating, hanging out, lazing around, playing virtual reality games, and going for shows. 

3) Pandemic fatigue and prolonged semi-lockdown with a stupid "2-people rule". We had several months in which each household could only have 2 visitors per day, and we could only meet in groups of 2 in public. Try organising youth activities around this rule. Thank goodness the government loosened the rule near the end of 2021, otherwise it would have driven people MAD.

4)  I got vaccinated. Felt okay after the first shot, developed a one-day fever after the second. Will go for the booster sometime this month or next. (Update: booster shot done!)

5) My youngest sister came back to Singapore again in December, and I LOVED having her here. I really miss both of my sisters. 

6)  I was called as one of the six Area Organisation Advisors for the Asia Area (new calling). No idea what I'm doing, and I'm suppose to take direction from the Asia Area Presidency anyway. But I feel like I can be doing more...

7) I've gone to more exhibitions and performances this year than I have in the past 3 years (even pre-Covid...LOL). Some of the more memorable ones:

• Dale Chihuly exhibition at Gardens by the Bay (in love with his works!)
• S.E.A. Aquarium 
• Singapore Repertory Theatre's performance of The Complete Works of William Shakespeare
• National Art Gallery
• Walked the Southern Ridges trail, aka Henderson Wave trail

8) The year I finally loved my calling as a Young Women President. There is an idiom in Chinese "不知不觉". It means "unknowing and unfeeling to you". I have struggled with various aspects of this calling for almost 3 years now, but  不知不觉 I somehow learned to love it. I think it's because of the young women. I know they struggle with the gospel and life. But they are trying, and they bring so much positive energy into my life. 

9) I finally checked off the goal of exploring the Joo Chiat/Katong historical area. I'm such a history nerd - other people look at historic buildings for 5 minutes and move on. I spend at least 3x as long looking at the exact things! 😁 This area is beautiful, and I'm so glad I got to take a few people there and show off its historical significance. 

10) Staycation at Goodwood Park Hotel with Vera during a May long weekend. A nice break from the stress and bustle of work without going far because of the travel restrictions. We ate A LOT, swam in the pool, and "nua-ed" a lot. Loved it.  

Honourable mention: I started driving in Singapore. I dislike driving (even in the States) and driving in Singapore makes me anxious because of the narrow lanes and parking facilities. But I've survived so far. I better learn to get comfortable with it because I'll soon be listed as the main driver whenever we rent a car. 

Now on to my 2022 edition...

What a classy decade the 2010s was.

Last September to December, I took an introductory class on computer software R, and the instructors used the below table in one of their slides to illustrate an example of good charts. I however, was struck by it for a completely different reason. 

David Taylor created this 2014 award-winning chart (first published at www.prooffreader.com but chart has since been taken down from source 😕) highlighting the top words in Billboard popular song titles from 1890 to 2014. 

Take a look at the more recent decades:

I mean...😒

It is mind-blowing that popular song titles in the 2000s (and all past decades) had zero curse words, but suddenly they burst to the top only a decade later. To be fair, since this table was published in 2014, the data for the 2010s is incomplete. A full analysis of the entire decade might yield different results.

But for at least 3 years, words such as "Hell", "F***", and "Die" were the most frequently used words in Billboard song titles. 

So classy, right...

I don't know what happened that caused this change but I'm not surprise. In fact, this table only provides proof to a theory I have -- Western pop songs have increasingly become a cesspool of highly vulgar and explicit lyrics since the 2000s. It is ridiculous that I have to google "clean version" or "radio edit version" of so many songs now. Even young up-and-coming singers swear in their songs like it's not a big deal.

I fear for the day when we stop having "radio edit" versions available because we have become so desensitised to such vulgarity and explictiness. 

Cruise to...Nowhere?

That's right, "Cruise to Nowhere". Sounds like a total waste of money but don't diss it till you try it! In a bid to somewhat save some of our lost tourism GDP, the government allowed two cruise companies to operate 2- or 3-night cruises to Singapore's open seas for local residents at half passenger capacity. Every passenger must carry a "trace together" token wherever they go, and the crew were extremely vigilant in ensuring all passengers complied with social distancing rules.  

My family went on the 3day/2night World Dream cruise in January, just after school reopened. This was the first cruise for all of us, and since we did not have tourists or families, our particular cruise only had about 800 passengers (~4,000 is max capacity!). As a result, the service staff treated us very well. We also didn't have to queue or pre-book the pool, restaurants, shows, and events. What a treat!

One of my brother-in-laws was actually in Singapore then but he couldn't go as he is not a Singapore resident. What a pity😩

We went for the upgraded balcony rooms because those were the only ones available, plus if we had to be quarantined, we wanted the more spacious rooms. We have ZERO regrets for this splurge. To sit out at night and be lulled by the sound of the sea...such peace and serenity is rare to come by. 

What we did:

THE POOL & WATER SLIDES

For crowd-control purposes, we had to book the jacuzzi and pool. But since there were so few people, we practically had two jacuzzi tubs and the entire pool to ourselves for a solid 45 minutes! There were also two water slides that that were fun, and brought me back to my childhood at the Sentosa water park (Fantasy Island).

SHOWS

• Sing-a-long to some classic "Oldies". Easy, simple, nostalgic fun.
• Magic show (duh...is it a cruise if there isn't a magician?) He was entertaining and pretty good. Photo of him below.
• (Free) Night-time laser show (set to Michael Jackson songs). There was supposed to be fireworks but they cancelled it on our leg. Guess it wasn't worth the cost with so few passengers. 
• My sisters and I also caught a gambling-bingo game. No one won the grand prize of some ridiculous number, but the consolation prize winner got over a hundred bucks. Enough to cover the cost of the tickets I guess😆 

VR CENTRE

We tried out the VR Centre, and my family had a grand time at the shooting game. But the roller-coaster ride (see below) was a let-down. 

This poor magician. He had a "fan meet" session, and even though we were 10 minutes late, we were still the first there. I'm sure he would be more popular if there were more passengers. We went there because of the promise of free VR Centre tickets, but of course, there is always a catch, right? We didn't end up using the "free"-with-conditions-tickets. 

MASSAGE & SPA

I know, probably one of the biggest rip-offs on a cruise, but my family enjoys splurging on massages during holidays. This cruise massage was relaxing but not the best. At least the package came with a sauna and steam room experience that was enjoyable. 

FREE CLASS

I went for the beginner ballroom dance class (the only one), and perhaps because it was at night and there were so few passengers, I was the only participant! It was embarrassing for me and the instructors. Thankfully my sisters joined me. We got a personalised, 45-min cha cha class, so that was nice. 

DINING

We ate at the complimentary restaurants, except on two occasions. The first was at the Japanese restaurant where we ate the shabu shabu. It felt good to eat such comfort food, especially because the complimentary Chinese restaurant was "meh". About $25/per pax for a filling portion. 

We also splurged on the fine dining Chinese restaurant. Not worth the extra money, but better than its free counterpart. 

The complimentary breakfast restaurant had decent breakfast food though! You can't go wrong with omelets, right? We also got a free ice cream for filling up a customer service form. 

WOULD I GO AGAIN?

Absolutely, with some conditions. 

• Sail during off-peak season when children are in school
• Get a balcony room or suite.
• Save up for the extra-cost meals because the free food gets old very quickly.
• Budget for the internet, which is not cheap. 

The "3rd day" also doesn't count since we docked back at 9am, and were off the ship by 10am. So it really was a 2day/2night trip. 

But I loved the experience and spending time with my sisters again. And someone with more discipline than me would certainly be able to not spend any money on entertainment. Did I mention there are plenty of movies and shows in the rooms for those who are room-bound? 

Overall, I had a wonderful virgin cruise experience, and would love to go for more! 

Floral Fantasy (at Gardens by the Bay)

Gardens by the Bay is famous for its two conservatories (and rightly so! They are so well-done). But I encourage Singapore residents to spend an extra $10 on its lesser-known sister, Floral Fantasy. Highly Instagram-worthy, and a good rest for your legs from walking around the park. It is a small exhibit, and I don't think the foreigner rate is worth it ($20 adult/ $12 child). But if you can get a resident to purchase the tickets, go for it! You are allowed to stay there for 45 minutes, and my mom and I relished every minute there when we visited in July.

I'm not good at photography but it was so easy to shoot naturally beautiful pictures at this venue.

The sight that greets you the moment you enter.

These hanging balls of flowers came up and down by a pulley. I tried to capture on video how magical it felt but the balls ended up looking like virus cells, so...

The exhibit seems to be divided into two sections, front and back. The front has the lovely summer flowers (at least this season) as those above. The back was more eclectic, and I believe the underlying message was to care for our environment and better manage our waste.  

Crocheted "Pitcher" bags and some other items made from recycled material.

The end transitioned into a forest-like area, complete with handing willows and a vivarium on endangered poisonous dart frogs.

It was SO COOL to spot these rare animals, and see how many we could find. 

I definitely want to go again, but next time, I'll dress up nicely and get a better photographer to take professional shots of me there.😄  

Gardens by the Bay: Glass in Bloom exhibition

 My mom and I visited Singapore's Gardens by the Bay (GBTB) this past Saturday. It amazes me that even though I've been there multiple times, there is always something new to see. In this case, it was Dale Chihuly's Glass in Bloom exhibition. 

I was first exposed to Chihuly's work when I visited the Bellagio hotel in Las Vegas many years ago. The sight of the famous colourful glass ceiling is still imprinted in my mind, and you can imagine how delighted I was to find out about this GBTB exhibition. 

Warning: photos galore in this post. I didn't take every single piece of his works (and my photographing skills don't do justice anyway), but I took a lot.😁 The below are those I like more.

GBTB displayed Chihuly's work in 5 sections: 

1. Indoor Gallery
2. Outdoor "Gallery" (really the fields and mini-gardens at GBTB)
3. Flower Dome conservatory
4. Cloud Forest Conservatory
5. 3 of his works on public display for "free"

1. Indoor Gallery

For those familiar with  Chihuly's work, this section showcased his "Macchias", "baskets", "Ikebanas", works on paper, and glass art.  

Opening piece. Stunning right?

My favourite was (surprise) the glass paintings. They look "meh" until closer inspection when you realise they are actually layers of painted glass combined to reflect a certain look. My mom loved the top-left art piece because of the way the glass pieces reflect light onto the wall. 

2. Outdoor Garden in the fields and mini-gardens around GBTB

Chihuly's signature works are his Sun and Moon pieces. For this particular exhibit at GBTB, Chihuly created the Setting Sun (wonder how many other Suns there are...).

The Moon was situated in a field surrounded by bottle trees. This is my first time seeing one. How cute are they?

Obvious mastery in bending and shaping glass. One of his most famous pieces is the Ethereal White Persian Pond. Alas, my pictures of that piece turned out horrible so you will have to make do with Google.   

We also found these whimsical animal sculptures (by GBTB, not Chihuly) while walking around. 

Cute!

3. Flower Dome Conservatory

I have to confess that the pieces in the Flower Dome Conservatory were (personal opinion) nice-but-not-fantastic. But the way GBTB designed the display for his 1997 White Tower and 2013 Erbium Pink Fiori was very well-done. 

Looks like Setting Sun but a tower instead of a ball? Setting Sun looked cooler though.😅

That perfect dahlia. Also learned that the flower in the middle-row, far right is from the succulent Crown-of-Thorns. The stem is full of thorns, yet the plant still blooms such pretty flowers. As a Christian, I can't help but think that this plant holds deep symbolism. 

Chihuly's art displayed amidst a variety of bluebells. I don't know why but bluebells make me happy.

My mom loves succulents and pointed out these unusual looking ones.

I discovered a (new?) tiny spice and fruit garden. That space smelled amazing! There was also a wedding taking place when we visited. As I mentioned on Instagram, real-life "Crazy Rich Asians" for sure. There were ~100 guests, which meant every guest had to undergo Pre-Event Testing = a few thousand dollars more on PET kits alone! 

4. Cloud Forest Conservatory

My favourite piece:

Piece was suspended from the viewing bridge (see below pic).😲  

Caught the next rotating exhibition, which was on orchids, Singapore's national flower. Wasn't in love with this new exhibit but lots of unique orchids, such as the tiny orchids growing in bunches (they do that?) and the other tiny purple-white ones. Yellow ones in honour of my paternal grandmother who loved yellow orchids. 

Couple of his other pieces. Very cool but not my favourite, especially the green-spikey one which reminded me of a virus cell. Appropriate for our time but...not. And that's me with a sloth carved entirely from wood. Had to take a selfie because it was so cute and life-like!

For those who didn't want to pay, three of his pieces were on public display for free. Showing two of them here because I couldn't photograph the 3rd (Walla Walla) well. I LOVED these two pieces.

Slipped in a picture of some fuschias set against the Singapore Flyer because they remind me of Christmas, and I love Christmas. It was raining when I took that picture, but the weather cleared up later and turned HOT again.😰 Ah Singapore weather.

I loved the experience and thought it was money well-spent ($30 for the complete package for adults). And there was hardly anyone despite being a Saturday. It was a nice bonus for us, but this probably means the exhibition cost GBTB a financial loss. There is no way they recouped the money shipping these pieces from Seattle to Singapore with only locals paying to view this exhibit. Another casualty of the pandemic. 

I'm glad I caught this before it ended, and hope to one day visit the Chihuly Garden and Glass in Seattle when international travel is available again. 

My First Staycation

Thanks to Covid, the poor aviation and tourism sector in Singapore is bleeding. Can't do much for the aviation industry, but the government has been encouraging residents to take "staycations" to help our hotels stay afloat. 

Being *erhem* "responsible residents" (okay, not really but everyone needs a break, and we can't travel out anyway), my friend and I checked into the historic Goodwood Park Hotel over the Hari Raya Puasa weekend (13-15 May).  The hotel was beautiful, and we got a surprising free upgrade to one of the larger rooms that opened up straight into the pool.💖 We also avoided the crowd since 14 May was still a school day. 

Loved our stay! Overall service was great, and it didn't hurt that our booking included breakfast.  

Scenes from the hotel (L-R, clockwise): HUGE mirror with plenty of cupboard space; so much desk space if we needed it (we didn't); the historic Goodwood Park Hotel; expensive hotel high tea that isn't worth the price😕.   

Thank goodness my friend and I have similar travel "wavelengths". We both enjoy trying new foods and "chilling out" at the hotel, so there was no pressure to pack our schedule. Nonetheless, we still managed to do quite a lot:

- We ate SO MUCH FOOD.  

- Swam

- "Nua"-ed (Singlish for "chill"/relax)

- Chinese massage with gua sha 

- Went for manicures and window shopped the Orchard Road area

(All in the name of spurring domestic GDP of course.) 

Above are some sights from shopping. 

• HDB artwork at Scotts Square Shopping Centre. Very local yet very cool.
• Singapore mural on the way to Don Don Donki
• Not sure why I saw so many interesting cars that weekend. The pink and teal ones were just two examples.
• Pain in the name of beauty. Gua sha marks (love the "release" from gua sha!!!) and 1.5 hour long manicure.

We ate so much, but it was worth every calory. Highlight: the Brazilian cheese puffs (pao de queijo) from Wild Honey. I have been craving these puffs for a few years, but could never find the right occasion to make them. These hit the spot! And that touch of coarse salt added to the bottom of the serving glass was just 💥. Will definitely go back. 

My first staycation was a wonderful experience. It can't beat traveling overseas (duh!) but having to vacation in Singapore isn't too bad either. 

Grieving is a kind of enhanced gratitude

I received news this morning that a good friend of mine passed away on Friday morning (U.S. time). She was only 29 years old. 

We met at the singles' ward in Columbus, Ohio when I was finishing up my last year of graduate school, and she was in her second year as a Pharmacy School grad student. Though we only crossed paths for a year, she became one of my closest girl-friends in Ohio: random road trip to IKEA on a school night (rebel!), watching Wonder Woman in the cinema, Christmas break breakfast with Cynthia, hang out nights, etc. She was just one of the coolest people to be with. 

A few months after I returned to Singapore, I learned that she had developed a malignant (read: cancerous) tumor in her brain. I don't understand all the details, but she named her growth "Super Stupid Stella". My friend fought HARD with Stella and beat her.🙆 Of course, there was still a long road to recovery but there was hope.

Or so everyone thought. Last year, in the midst of a pandemic, the doctors discovered "Dastardly Daphne". My friend spent the Thanksgiving season going for radiation treatment. Unfortunately, by March, Daphne had two additional friends: Margo and Trent. While these friends were partying, my friend went blind, wrecked her sense of smell, put on weight, lost her sense of balance, had difficulty walking, and ate hundreds of medical pills for treatment and pain relief. My friend tried to stay upbeat through treatment. She went on family road trips, listened to audio books, started a blog about her diagnosis before her sight went bad, ate at a whole bunch of new restaurants, and even participated (via her mom) in President Nelson's 7-day #Gratitude challenge. 

But the tumour party carried on, and the treatments stopped working by June. My friend decided to seek hospice treatment at home, and weeks later, she passed away. Apparently most people with her type of cancer only survive about 18 months. She lived with it for 4 years. A tender mercy, but one that doesn't feel long enough at the same time.  

Sheri L. Dew once said that "grieving is a kind of enhanced gratitude". I've always loved this quote but there is nothing like a real-life experience with death to drive this home. Even as I grief for the loss of my friend who left us at the peak of her life, I'm also filled with gratitude that:

1. I had her in my life, however briefly, and she was such a light during my last year of graduate school;
2. She is free from all the physical, mental and emotional pain and exhaustion stemming from the cancer;   
3. The knowledge of the Plan of Salvation and the Spirit World;
4. The knowledge of the resurrection, and the hope, comfort and peace it brings;
5. One day, I will see her again, healthy and whole, and full of her usual sass. 

Take that stupid partying tumours. 

Mother's Day this year...

[July 2021: This post was written back in May. I never posted it because I couldn't quite finish it. But I'm just going to write some conclusion and publish it so that it stops sitting in my "Draft" box. I can always go back and update it, right? 😆]  

I've felt a variety of emotions through the years of celebrating Mother's Day. 

As a young girl, Mother's Day was about showing love and appreciation for my wonderful mom. Almost every year, the children at church would perform a song about mothers, and a youth speaker would talk about his/her mother. And we would make a craft either during church or activity time. I can't remember a single craft I made, but I still remember the sweet Mother's Day songs I learned. "Mother I love you, mother I do..."

Then I transitioned into young adulthood and went off to college, far away from my parents. My first Mother's Day in a young single adult ward (congregation for 18-30 year old) was so different. One, every single speaker said something to the effect of "Being away from my mom has made me appreciate her so much more". Poignant yet amusing. Two, no children singing. Alas!😭

But it got a little embarrassing too. If I happened to be in a family ward on Mother's Day, there tended to be a segment when church leaders invited "all women, married or not" to stand up so that the youth/ children could give a Mother's Day gift/ token to us. I cringed...though I quickly got over it because free gift!😁 Plus I knew Church leaders had no ill intentions and were just trying to be inclusive. 

As I grew into my late-twenties, Mother's Day took an interesting turn. In one of my last young single adult wards, some women got offended when the men gave them something on Mother's Day because "we aren't mothers, and our identity as women isn't defined by motherhood because we are strong women who are so much more than that, so stop giving us gifts on Mother's Day". Maybe-confession: I might have been one of those women because I was deep in feminist literature then. I genuinely cannot recall! But thinking back, it was kind of sweet of the men to do something. It would have been inappropriate if they started singing "Mother I love you..." but giving us a gift? Awkward gesture but again, no ill intended. [Also, I'm pretty sure the next Mother's Day, the men did ZILCH. Such a pity.] 

When I moved home, Mother's Day went back to being a delight. I loved being back in a family ward where the children and youth performed on Mother's day. I appreciated celebrating my mom in person. And I didn't care if someone wished me "Happy Mother's Day". In fact, it was nice that social media made a conscious effort to include women who had lost a child or could not have children. [I also think social media has also gone too far in being politically correct on Mother's Day...but that's for another post.] 

So I was caught off-guard when an unexpected wave of sadness and loneliness washed over me as I sat in church last Sunday. As I parsed through my emotions, I realised that I was feeling...grief. Grief for the children I don't have. Grief for the children I love now but who will never call me "mother" or "mine". Grief for a lifelong, deep-rooted dream that is dimming with each passing year.  

I know motherhood isn't limited to having children by birth, marriage, or adoption. I can still be maternal and nurture other people's children. Part of why I adore my nieces and nephews and the children at church is because I can't have my own, so the next best thing is to be the best aunt.

But no matter how much love and energy I pour into them, there will always be a distinction. I can be the best "mother" to these children but I will never be their mother. 

Perhaps these emotions are coming on because I'm turning 35 this July. For some reason, 35 feels like a giant milestone where I stop deluding myself as being "still young". The biological clock is officially counting and winding down! 

I've been richly blessed in other aspects of my life, so please don't think I'm bitter. I'm also 100% aware motherhood has its own challenges and difficulties. But my challenge is dealing with the fact that I can't have children, and no amount of being the awesome, fun, "kick-butt" aunt will fill that void. (And please don't start on the whole "it will come in the next life". It's cold comfort for THIS life. Thank you for understanding😅.)

So to all the young mothers in my immediate social circle, I hope you understand why I'm that over-zealous aunt who goes around spoiling your children. Feel free to tell me to back off, but I really mean no harm. 

[Update in July: I'm feeling 100% okay now. These waves of grief come and go. Singlehood (can be) awesome!] 

Top 10 Memories of 2020

 In no particular order:

1) The obvious. Need I say more? Who would have thought that a distant virus from Wuhan would wreck so much havoc on the world. It has been tough, not the least of which was the cancellation of my much anticipated 3-week trip to Israel.😭😭😭 Still, I'm cognisant of being sheltered from the more devastating effects of the pandemic. The Singapore government is doing a relatively outstanding job of controlling the spread. I still have a job when so many have lost theirs. I rather live through a pandemic than war (lesser of two evils...right?). So all in all, I can't complain or whine too much.  

2)  The Year the "Impossible" Became "Possible". If you had told me that working from home would become a reality starting in 2020, I would have snorted. Singapore's working culture is NOT FLEXIBLE, so WFH was a distant dream. Well, not anymore! Not to mention streaming concerts and shows online, class reunions via Zoom, etc. The pandemic forced change habits and policies, and I think life is better because of it. And top of my "Things Changed for the Better in 2021" is...

3) Work from Home. Working from Home has been an excellent experience. I don't want to work from home 100%, but a split-team arrangement is perfect to me. 

4) Church from Home. Mixed feelings about this. Simplified church was really nice, and NO TRAVELLING (my commute is an hour each way). It was easier to attend meetings since it was online, and Sundays were less tiring. However, I also found it harder to keep the Sabbath Day, and missed the fellowship and gathering of members after a few months of Zoom church. 

5) That being said, while change can be good, the constant policy changes made it super frustrating to plan for anything. Take Young Women activities for example. We went from meeting every week, to having no activities, then having activities via Zoom, then in small groups. I would have to re-plan everything with each change. Similar developments happened at work and for Sunday church meetings. It was exhausting to keep adapting, and enforce the bazillion safety measures. No surprise I was burned out by the end of the year, and I'm still not quite recovered. 

6) Also, almost 2 months of Circuit Breaker (Singapore's beautified term for "lockdown"). See point 2 to 4 again. Schools emptied; malls shuttered. Neighbourhoods turned into ghost towns. PLEASE NEVER AGAIN. 

7) 2020 was also the year that the United States exposed its deep fissures and bi-polarity to the world. Very messy, and very sad. 

8) On a better note, both my sisters and one brother-in-law managed to come back to Singapore despite travel restrictions. My youngest sister was here for 6 weeks, while the other sister and her husband visited for a month. It was chaotic, messy, but fun. My sister and brother-in-law held their Singapore wedding reception on 01 January 2021...so I guess that post will be for next year's "Top 10 Memories 2021"😊. 

9) Near the end of 2019, I noticed that I had started to slip into a "blue funk". The days blurred by, and I felt apathetic toward many aspects of life. Hence, I made it a goal that for every day in 2020, I would post something on Instagram that highlighted an aspect of my day or life. Well, 366 posts later (2020 was a leap year), I'm shocked that I DID IT!!! Not gonna lie, there were days when I had to dig deep into my brain/ gratitude list/ photo archives for anything to post. But overall, it was a great mental, reflective exercise for me. And I qualify to preach the platitude that even amidst a pandemic, life is still rich and flowing with good memories.😝

10) Speaking of IG, while scrolling through my 366 posts, I realise that I managed to take one overseas trip before everything went kaput. My maternal family held a family reunion at Bintam (Indonesia) in January 2020 for 3 days, and I LOVED the short getaway. 

Look at how blue the waters are! It was here that I had the most-expensive-but-also-totally-worth-it massage in my life. And I got to catch fireflies with my bare hands during the night river ride. 

A good note to end this post. I'm fighting to be optimistic that things will get better. It's true that we are still very restricted, e.g. no overseas travelling (which in tiny Singapore is 😱) . But I've changed too. Now I'm much more selective about my travelling goals, and am more focused on other financial goals. Life will never return to pre-Covid state but that's okay because I'm not the same person either. 

We adapt, and life goes on. 

Fight on!

Why I Love Wet Markets (Now)

Wet Market [wet mahr-kit]: A market that sells perishable foods...[and] can be found around the world, but are especially common in China and Southeast Asia... The wet in wet market refers to the melting ice used to preserve fresh meats or the water used to clean their foods or hose down a store.  {see dictionary.com)

The term "wet market" gained international prominence when China officials revealed that the corona virus could have originated from a wet market in Wuhan, China. And it is possible because have you been to a wet market? It is literally wet (don't wear shoes with lousy grip...you've been warned), noisy, chaotic, and the smell of raw meat permeates the air. 

Little wonder I HATED going to the wet market as a young girl. Sellers and buyers shouted to be heard. Butchers chopped off heads and cleared out innards (albeit with deft strokes of the cleaver). Flies landed on the displayed vegetables and fruits. The crowds, especially on Saturday mornings, clustered in swarms. There seemed to be no organisation as to where the stores were assigned. The pork stall could be situated next to a stall selling seafood, which in turn was next to a stall selling vegetables, and that stall was next to the poultry store, that was also the neighbour of another pork  stall, not to be confused with the halal stores that had to be situated somewhere else, and don't forget the fruits stall or the other vegetable stall, etc. How anyone navigated the wet market was beyond me.

Seafood in all its display glory. Customers can inspect and choose their meats, instead of buying it pre-packaged. But you must ignore that it will never pass the hygiene code in some countries (see postscript at bottom of post).

And so for years, I never stepped into a wet market unless forced to by my parents. When I moved to the States, I didn't even think to look up if there was something similar. (FYI, farmers' markets are nothing like wet markets. They share a few principles, but have different "vibes" and purposes.) 

Part of the vegetable store from my neighbourhood's wet market. 

But what's the saying -- absence makes the heart grow fonder? Or perhaps because I'm a product of my time, and given current discussions about race and colonialism, I've grown to treasure my heritage and culture. Or maybe my "liberal graduate school education" taught me to boycott large, evil supermarket corporations, and start patronising smaller local businesses.  

Whatever the case, I found myself embracing the wet market when I moved back. It helped that the market near my home (Sembawang Koufu) is not the same one I went to as a girl (Chong Pang wet market). This one is smaller (so fewer people), better lit, calmer, and is "drier"...or at least as "dry" as a "wet market" can be.😁

Going to the wet market now is a refreshing experience. I can touch, smell (sans mask of course) and examine my food. I can select the produce I want, and only buy whatever quantity I need. I can explore the abundant variety on display, and be exposed to food I've never seen before.

Clockwise from L to R: that mean-looking monster is galangal; 😙baby brinjal (or eggplant); young ginger with sprouts.

Still figuring out what this is used for. 

You don't get the same connection to food at the supermarkets or when buying groceries online.

It's also at the wet market that you get to know the people who handle and sell you your food. True conversation with my mom:

Me: Wah! That chicken stall seller is not very nice.

Mom: Was it the wife who served you?

Me: Yes! How did you know it was the wife?

Mom: Of course I know. She is quite rude. But the husband is quite friendly. I still wish there was another chicken stall though. 

Cheap spices galore! Also, in case anyone is wondering, gerago is really "geragau" (krill). It is an essential ingredient in sambal belacan. See https://eresources.nlb.gov.sg/infopedia/articles/SIP_2013-06-26_105819.html. (I didn't know either!)

And of course, my mom found our family's favourite fruit store at this wet market. I'm convinced we are one of his VIP customers because our fruits are excellent, and he always introduces us to new fruit. Plus my mom spends a lot of money there...😅. 

Don't be fooled by how tepid this store looks. This is a hidden gem!

So does this mean bye-bye to supermarkets? Heck no! Nothing will beat its one-stop-shop convenience, "western food" ingredients, much-needed canned goods and snacks, and most importantly, the AIR CON(DITIONING). Supermarkets have their purpose and place. So does online grocery shopping.  However, I'm now much more incline to buy from the wet market first, before going to the supermarket.

It is still strange to me how this about-face came about. How does one go from hating the chaos to loving it? I don't know. A yearning to return to my roots? An awakening of one's true self? A desire for greater connection to my environment in this time of isolation? Meh, who knows. At this point, it doesn't matter. I'm just excited to get better acquainted with the ingredients and cuisine from my region of the world, and the wet market is the first and great place to start.

Be safe everyone, and don't forget your mask!

P.S. Before anyone is grossed out by the "supposedly" unhygienic standards of wet markets, keep in mind that 1) we wash our food before we eat them, and 2) traditional Asian recipes (at least the Chinese) always cook everything, and often at high temperatures. The closest thing to raw food is pickled or salted vegetables. Food such as sashimi are rare, while the Laos/ Thai green papaya salad uses chilli, spices, and lime to flavour and "cleanse" the dish. 

It is time to really DO SOMETHING MORE

It has been two and half years since I came back to Singapore. Moving back was tough, but on hindsight, this was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Not only did it bring me much-needed healing from academia, it also gave me another perspective to examine American politics and society.

I'm aware that my moderate-liberal leanings still colour my perspective, but the literal geographic distance has helped me see things from a larger lens as I'm not directly affected by immediate events in the United States.

When news of the George Floyd tragedy broke, I must confess that I felt partly-sad, partly-angry, and (don't hate me) partly-numb. It's not that I'm unsympathetic; it's just that George Floyd isn't the first innocent black man to be wrongfully killed due to excessive police violence. A quick google shoot will reveal the frequency that such incidents have occurred in the past few years alone. In fact, a common pattern emerges from such arrests:

Black person is (likely to be unfairly) arrested --> Police uses unnecessary, excessive force to hold down person --> accidentally or intentionally kills the arrested --> news spread --> flurry of postings on social media expressing opinions --> outrage and protests (sometimes leading to arrest of police officers) --> violence and looting --> (if police officers are acquitted --> even more protest and violence -->) people become disillusioned with the chaos --> then exhausted with subject and move on to the "next big thing" --> peace for a period --> cycle repeats. 

We've seen this cycle since the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960s (and before!), only now we have the privilege of recording and circulating these instances with greater ease #technologyrockswhenitworks I am fully supportive of using social media to spread awareness and effect change, and I'm sincerely glad that the right use of video recordings led to the arrest of the police officers in the George Floyd case, and the cold-blooded murderers of Ahmaud Arbery.

But I also feel that too many of us (I'm indicting myself as well) post our outrage, then pat ourselves on the back and say, "I've done my part. I've shown support for XYZ cause. Moving on now..." And because this happens too often, the cycle continues because society as a whole has not done anything to get to the root of the problem. Too often expressions of opinions and debates are posted on social media, and then left there with no real-life implications or impetus for change.

It doesn't help that (and this is based purely on my imperfect observation) people can't agree on the root cause of the problem, and the debate is strangely divided along political lines: conservatives blame police brutality; liberals, racism. Why is it one or the other, and not both? 😕

Nonetheless, whatever your opinions about why this cycle happens, we can all DO SOMETHING MORE TO SOLVE IT. If you believe this cycle is rooted in racism, fight against racism. If you believe that police brutality left unchecked is the true cause, curb and check police force. If you believe that (insert another reason) is the real reason, do something about it. But don't limit your activism to posting your outrage on social media when another black/ person of minority is wrongfully treated. We can all do more. 

Small and do-able suggestions:

• Catch yourself when you find yourself judging or making assumptions about someone because of their appearance;
• Watch a video (or more) about someone who is a minority in your country, and try to understand their point of view;
• Start a genuine friendship with someone who is of a different race/ religion from you. And if you already have such a friend, make another one;
• Learn about a different culture (I recommend starting with their food 😁);
• Listen to all sides of the debate with an open mind. You might not agree with everything said (there are some articles defending the looters...sorry, I flatly reject them), but it will give you cause to think;
• Vote for political leaders who propose sane and sensible laws that will protect all citizens;
• Vote out political leaders who don't propose sane and sensible laws that will protect all citizens; 
• Educate yourself on your laws and rights, so that you can hold law enforcement officers accountable;
• Require police officers to attend more training to learn how to de-escalate conflicts, and appropriately engage with suspects;
• Thank and recognise law enforcement officers who do their job right and treat everyone fairly;
• Speak up and speak out when someone is bullied or treated unfairly;
• Donate to a cause or charity that is fighting against racial inequality;
• Continue to use social media as a tool to promote the benefits of diversity, and spread awareness of injustice.
• etc... 

It's not hard; it just requires time, effort, and energy, which most of us are not willing to do because it requires more from us.

But until all of us do more, the cycle is going to continue. Not hard to predict at all.

Top 10 Memories of 2019

In no particular order of importance or chronology, here we go (again):

1) I survived being in my job for 2 years already, and added on a new portfolio. I essentially have 2 bosses now. Not sure if it is good or bad haha. But I'm still learning and parts of it is challenging, so I'm still interested in the job.

2) I traveled back to the United States this year...TWICE. I flew premium economy both times since the flights were sooooo long. While it is money worth spent, I felt the painful pinch of money hemorrhaging from my pocket 😭 But on such a long flight, those seats and noise cancelling headphones are EVERYTHING. 😁

So why the United States twice? First, my dad was called as an Area Seventy, and thus I went to April General Conference for that. (FYI the Church only paid for my dad and my mom. No children are invited, so I paid for my own ticket.) Then we swung down to New Mexico to visit my youngest sister and her husband there. I was sick for the days we were in Utah, so that was blah. But I managed to attend the session that my dad was sustained.

New Mexico was fun! Well, not the city. Albuquerque is quite something. I can't stay there in the long term, but it was super fun to spend time with my youngest sister and her husband. Also, COSTCO. I miss that place.

3) The second time we flew to the United States was to attend my other sister's wedding in Nashville, TN in late-October.

My cousin (standing next to me) in Texas managed to join us!

The weather was very cooperative, and only rained after we took photos and traveled to the reception place. The sealing ceremony was lovely, and they had a simple and fun reception. And COSTCO again...I sure miss that place.

4) In August, my other sister (the one living in New Mexico) and her husband had their Singapore wedding reception at Tangs Plaza Marriott. Not sure how the couple felt about it, but it was a fun and exhausting day for me. I sang a duet that poked fun of the couple, and they were good sports about it.

It was my American-born-Chinese (ABC) brother-in-law's first time in Singapore. Very interesting to find out his opinion of Singapore (even if I don't agree with him on everything 😛). My other sister also flew back for the wedding, and all 6 of us squeezed into our HDB flat for a few days. Now that was...something. You really do things only for family that you wouldn't do for others.

5) My Stake re-drew the ward boundaries in late-January. We went from having 10 wards, to only having 4 HUGE family wards, 1 Filipino ward, 1 Mandarin-speaking ward, and 1 newly-created YSA ward! The YSA ward is currently the only one in Asia now. I think they had one in Hong Kong a few years ago, but it closed down after a while. Hopefully the YSA ward in Singapore can sustain itself!

Anyway, my ward is now huge, with about 2/3 local families, and 1/3 expatriate families. This is because my ward encompasses the Singapore American School, where most expat families reside. It is interesting to be in such a ward. Layers of complication. There will always be some tension because each community is used to doing things their own way, but I also know each side is trying their best to adapt.

With the new ward boundaries, I got called as my ward's Young Woman President. I have about 20 active youth, 3/4 of whom are expatriates. My feelings toward my calling yo-yo day-by-day. On one hand, I love my young women, and it is so fun to be with them. They (and their parents) support the activities we plan (you have no idea how important that is!), and I'm also amazed at how powerful their Sunday lessons are. My YW are so talented and capable, and I am so so so blessed to get to know them.

But man! Weekly activities are exhausting, and so is having to attend 7am monthly ward council meetings (urgh!). I'm excited for the new changes to be implemented starting next year when my Young Women will take the lead on more ALL things now.

6) We had another Stake Relief Society convention for the Single Adult sisters in October at Malacca (Malaysia). I have not visited that place in a few years, and I was reminded of how charming that city is. Highly recommend the city to visitors of Southeast Asia (after Singapore of course 😉). The convention was fun too, and all we did was eat, go for a massage, shop, tour Malacca, attend two workshops, socialise, and relax over a weekend.

7) The Church celebrated it's 50th anniversary since it was dedicated for the preaching of the gospel in 1969. The Church organised a few commemorative events, but the most pertinent to me was the Musical History held on 28th September at the Gateway Theatre. I participated in the choir, and we started rehearsals way back in June/July. It was an overall enriching experience that I have no regrets being part of, but let's not do that again for like, 10 years or so, okay?

8) I learned how to knit! It all started when a group of women ("sisters" as we call in the Church) would stay back after church for hours before our 50th Anniversary choir practice. Our Church has an ongoing service project with KK Hospital to crochet beanie hats for pre-mature babies, and we would crochet hats during that waiting period. But a few sisters pointed out that the knitting stitch is actually better for these babies, and so to dah! A weekly knitting class was born. So far I've knitted two adult beanie hats, and am knitting a scarf for my mom. I'm just grateful to the sisters who teach us how to knit for FREE, when such classes normally cost hundreds of dollars. THIS IS THE POWER OF RELIEF SOCIETY.

I made these!

9) President Russell M. Nelson visited Singapore, and I got to be part of that choir as well. It was such a treat, and who knows when a prophet will make a personal visit again? The last time a prophet visited Singapore was President Hinckley in 2000, so not a good track record...

10) Finally, I stuck to the Come Follow Me church curriculum this year, and read the whole New Testament. Woo Hoo!

Happy 2020 from my family to yours!!! May you have a prosperous and blessed year ahead :)