THanksgiving- OMW THANK GOODNESS OR I WILL GO CRAZY!!!

This Thanksgiving, I am extra grateful that Thanksgiving Break is 5 glorious days! It won't be a complete break (research for two 20-page papers, and a few more mandatory class books) but at least I won't have to go for classes, and best of all, I get to

SLEEP IN.

My body is very tired, and it's come to the point where I'm a getting apathetic about my school/ work. Uh oh... I don't want to reach that point, but it has been a rough semester. I know I know, most people say the first semester is always the hardest, plus I feel bad whenever I whine because I know there are other people who are having it worse than me. So really, I shouldn't be complaining, but I guess my expectations of graduate school were so far removed from reality that it has been a little disillusioning and discouraging.

E.g. Perfectionism + GPA-based classes = a very bad combination. I struggled with this a lot in my undergraduate years, and it caused me a lot of anxiety. If I even got an A- for the first test, I would go see the TA and demand to know what I could do to get a better grade. Of course, it paid off in the end since my GPA was *erhem* rather high (not complaining about that!). But I was SO READY to be done with that once I graduated. I'm getting too old for unnecessary stress like this. 

Ha!

I can kick myself. Guess what, in graduate school, it's almost the same thing all over again. Granted, it's not as intense since you aren't really competing with your classmates, and you only have 10 or so classmates anyway. But like I said, I'm getting old so my level of stress-tolerance has also correspondingly decreased. When my body is super stressed, it reacts either physically (i.e. I fall sick) or mentally/ emotionally (it shuts down/ stops feeling/ caring)

Hence the lethargy and growing apathy.

Now before you guys continue to judge me, let me give you a taste of my classes first, and then you can leave a comment and tell me to stop whining, suck it up, and just keep going forward.

1) Historiography. Or the History/ philosophy of History.
We read things like this:
"First then, What is the historical fact? Let us take a simple fact, as simple as the historians often deals with, viz.: 'In the year 49 B.C. Caesar crossed the Rubicon.' A similar fact this is, known to all, and obviously of some importance since it is mentioned in every history of the great Caesar. But is this fact as simple as it sounds? Has it the clear, persistent outline which we commonly attribute to simple historical facts?" (Carl Becker)

Another:
"The predominance of a documentary approach in historiography is one crucial reason why complex texts- especially 'literary' texts- are either excluded from the relevant historical record or read in an extremely reduced way. Within intellectual history, reduction takes the form of synoptic content analysis in the more narrative method and the form of an unproblematic identification of objects or entities of..." (Dominick LaCapra)

KILL ME PLEASE.
Unfortunately this is one of my required classes so I have to take it. The professor is super nice but his area of expertise (18th C European intellectual and religious history) is so far removed from my field, I'm lost in this class many times. And I have a 20 page paper due soon. Can't wait for this class to end.

2) Modern US History Part 1. I have mixed feelings about this class. In theory, the way the class is set up sounds good, but the reality is another thing. We read one book/ week, except for 4 weeks when we read 2 books/ week and write a comparative 4-page paired book review. And in 2 weeks time, I will take a mock comprehensive examination, which means I will have to write a 10-page paper in 2 days and the rest of the class will "grill" me about it for half and hour. 

Just great. 

3) Independent Reading Class with Adviser. Remember THIS post? Even before I changed my topic, I did enjoy my reading, even though it wasn't my favorite thing. Now however, since I've changed topics, I'm SUPER excited to start reading again for this class next semester, and decide on a Master's topic! Cross my fingers it will happen soon. About 1 book/ week.

4) History of Childhood and Youth. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS CLASS!!! I actually took this class to fulfill my fellowship requirement, and who knew but I fell in love with it. I plan on doing a minor in this now, and I can't wait. 1 book / week, with a 20 page final. 

4 to 5 books a week. Multiple 20-age papers due in about 3 weeks. 

Sigh... Just holding out for a few more weeks then it will be Christmas!

But for now, I'm going to enjoy my Thanksgiving bliss.