30 before 30

I turn 30 today, and my life has turned out completely different from what I envisioned it would be as a young girl: I'm single, with zero prospects, no children, and still in school.

My mother found this picture of me while sorting through her history this year. I look so...young. With ZERO idea of what life had in-store for me.

But that's the life God handed to me, and you know what? God was right because I LOVED my twenties! I didn't love or ravel in every moment of it; in fact, some parts downright sucked. Like, really sucked. But this life-decade has been an enriching, rewarding, exhilarating, trying, emotional and all-out fun roller coaster ride.

And today, I'm taking birthday privileges and listing out 30 of the highest-highlights of my twenties. For those who want to skip all the nauseating narcissism, please scroll to the bottom where I promise there is a point to all this self-indulgence and vanity :) [It starts after the red words.]

MISS KEESH'S 30 BEFORE 30 HIGHLIGHTS/ MILESTONES (in no particular order)

1) Served a LDS mission for 1.5 years in Las Vegas, NV & Taipei, Taiwan (2007 - 2009). I returned from my mission burned out and bruised, and it was hard to think about it for a long time, but I can now look back on my mission and feel absolute joy.

One of my favorite pictures on my mission; @ the Taipei zoo.

2) Returned to BYU after my mission and took a bunch of fun classes (along with a few not-so-fun ones), such as floral design, planetary science, cooking, religion classes... And I took a class on "U.S. History after 1945," that literally changed my life. I developed my love for modern American history from this course, and I specialize in it now. Who would have thought?!

Was in D.C. at the right time to see
the beautiful cherry blossoms!

3) A glorious 4-month internship in Washington D.C. @ The Woodrow Wilson International Center for Scholars. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. Washington D.C. is my 2nd favorite city in the world (after Singapore of course).

4) Graduated in 2011 from BYU with excellent results. I am a proud blue-bleeding Cougar!

5) Another awesome year-long, paid internship, this time at the Church History Library in Salt Lake City, Utah. Btw the book I helped research is in print HERE!

6) I earned my driver's license! And with that...

7) I bought my first car! Well, my parents did so the car technically belongs to them. But I've invested a ton of money in the subsequent upkeep and insurance, so I count myself as having a third share of ownership (:p) It's small and old (16 years old this year!) but I love it and am now a lifelong fan of Toyota cars--which really do last forever. 

When at OSU, do as other Buckeyes do... go to a football game!
My first (and only) live football game where we creamed Penn State in 2013.

8) Moved to Columbus, Ohio in 2012 to do a PhD in history at The Ohio State University.

9) And with the move, I was out of the "Mormon Bubble" and into "real-world-USA." It was an eye-opening experience for sure. Especially when in Ohio during an election year.

10) Two years into my graduate program, I received my Masters Degree (once THIS AWFUL PAPERWORK SNAFU was resolved). Yay, another milestone in the meaningless paper chase my career.

11) I voted for the first time in Columbus, watched a March Madness game live in Dayton, drove through Cincinnati, visited Kirtland, sat the crazy roller coasters at Cedar Point, hiked Old Man's Cave, went shooting for the first time & toured the Amish Country. I love the lush greenery and diversity of Ohio!

Thank you Ohio for introducing me to
funnel cake + powdered sugar + ice cream + hot fudge + whipped cream
= HEAVEN @ Cedar Point

12) Due to research demands for grad school, I've driven cross-country four times (27 hours between Ohio and Utah), twice on my own. My poor car is a real trooper.

Taken at Ghost Rock viewing area on my most recent trip to Utah, 2015

13) I've taken multiple road trips to visit friends around the United States: California, Nevada, Michigan, Kentucky, Illinois, Massachusetts, New York, and Pennsylvania. I'm amazed at how distinct each state is.

14) I've also traveled around Asia, mainly with family: Cambodia (twice!), the Philippines, Malaysia, mainland China, and Hong Kong.

Still wondering how
this little guy got
into my apartment

15) Learned how to "adult": find an apartment to live, pay rent on time for said apartment, furnish and decorate said apartment, pay bills on time for said apartment, get along with roommates for said apartment, etc. And who can forget that incident with THE BAT?

16) Learned to be a "real" working adult: after being a teaching assistant since college, I taught my first college class online in Fall 2015. I love teaching...but not online. *BLEAH* I've also presented at conferences and guest lectured a few times--those I loved.

17) It's crazy how my friends are "adult-ing" too, and how similar/ different we are from our school days. I've attended so many weddings, been a bridesmaid a few times, and you know it's real when the babies come. Some of my friends have even established careers, bought their first home, and traveled the world. Hmm...now I really feel like a loser.

Pretty proud of myself for
making these pillow cases!

18) Learned to use the sewing machine, and embarked on simple sewing projects. Loved acquiring this new skill even though I'm still an extreme noob. Plus it comes in handy in service projects.

19) Been assigned various "callings" for church: Relief Society, ward missionary, activities committee, music chair(wo)man, and institute teacher. Each assignment has humbled and taught me new skills. In particular, I've served as Relief Society president in 2 wards, and I really miss my bishops (congregation leaders) and two terrific presidencies. Also, I'm currently teaching institute (Bible study) for the second semester. This assignment been an oddly-fun struggle: my students are the bomb and I've learned a ton, but it sucks up a lot of energy.

20) Had the privilege to visit Mormon temples around the world and perform the requisite rituals inside. Temples visited so far: various temples in Utah, Las Vegas, Washington D.C., Manhattan, Boston, Columbus, Chicago, Louisville, Manila, Hong Kong and Taiwan. Also, does the RLDS Kirtland Temple count?

My favorite of them all-- the Las Vegas Temple.
Photo credit: www.ldsphotography.net

21) I wrote. A LOT. School papers, lectures, funding applications, talks for church, my blogs and so forth. And I've published a book review, and contributed two chapters to THIS BOOK. Nothing like publishing to feel oh-so-"accomplished"...or discouraged when your writing is torn apart into tiny pieces. *sigh*

22) Of course I have to say something about graduate school, much of which has been exhausting and a pain. However, it has also been extremely stimulating, and I feel so much smarter just listening to my fellow graduate students. Thank goodness they are (mostly) very nice and supportive. They challenge my ideas and conventions, but in listening to and learning from them, I've gained more confidence, understanding and also compassion.

23) Speaking of school, I'm still in heaven that I miraculously received the Fulbright-Hays Doctoral Dissertation Fellowship, which allowed me to return home to Singapore to do dissertation research. Hello free trip home! Come to think of it, I've been extremely blessed to obtain scholarships, grants and employment throughout my college and post-graduate years. Nothing big (I mean how much can a graduate student earn?) but enough to remain debt-free, and with excess to cover research trips. I'm a total believer in paying tithes :)

Still one of my favorite pictures of my sisters and I. Taken
at my sister's graduation in 2013.

24) I am currently in the thick of research, which includes collecting oral history histories of the first generation of Singaporean Mormons. I LOVE listening to these fascinating and inspiring interviews. Every single person has an important story to tell.

25) Quality time spent creating more memories with my family: family trips around Asia, surprising my sister for her graduation, road trips, hiking trips, finally taking an updated family portrait after 8 years(!), doing ordinary, hangout-y stuff with them, exploring new food places, arguing, making up, talking about our joy and pains... Not to mention all the family reunions with my extended family. I would never trade my family for any other in the world.

26) This past year of research at home has given me the chance to re-explore my beloved Singapore (like in THIS POST) and cheesy as this sounds, I fall deeper in love with my country every day. Growing up, I was guilty of looking at the "greener grass on the other side," but after being away for many years, I now look at my homeland through fresh eyes, and everything is the same and different. Of course Singapore is not a perfect country, but it's perfect for me. ESPECIALLY THE FOOD!!!

Did I mention that Singapore's Changi Airport consistently ranks as one of the best?
@ Changi Airport in 2015 with the best fruit in the world!

27) Witnessed the death of Lee Kuan Yew, the Founding Father of developed Singapore in 2015. That same year, Singapore celebrated her milestone 50th birthday, and I was able to be home for the grand celebration. Not many people can say the same for their country :)

28) I can't believe how many friends I've made from all over the world, whether from school, work, church or other settings. And I'm astonished that so many want to remain friends! THANK YOU and know I love you all (I'm serious about this).

To all readers of my blog :)
Chalk drawing by some kids from my old apartment @ BYU

29) I wrote about going through a private, tough spiritual period and the healing that came from it. I hope to never go through something similar again, but I now understand another dimension and depth of God's love and power. There really is no better feeling in the world when healing comes to the soul.

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[If you skipped my list above, please start reading from here.]

30) But you know what has been the most amazing blessing in my life so far? I've learned to view my singlehood from a different perspective. Growing up in a very religious family, and being an active Mormon myself, it's inevitable that you hear and learn A LOT about marriage and family. And there's nothing wrong with that because those are the most important aspects of life.

However, in my early and mid-twenties, it was extremely frustrating and heartbreaking to be the single, 3rd/5th/7th/9th wheel at a gathering. Everyone seemed to be pairing off (and later, have babies!), while I was left on the sidelines, trying to be happy for these couples while also feeling discarded and un-special. Moreover, if there was potential for a relationship to develop, I either ended up being the emotionally immature b***h who rejected a couple good guys (on hindsight), or I was the one getting my heart broken. More often it was the latter than the former, although I will own the blame for some rejections. But you get my point--I wasn't successful in the dating department. I admit that there were days when I shook my fist at God and demanded answers.

Stewart Falls, Utah (2011)
The photographer had perfect timing!

But some time in my late-twenties, after going through a particularly rough period, something changed in me. I can't describe how, when or why, but all of sudden, I became aware that not only was I at peace with my singlehood, I had learned to appreciate the "perks," flexibility and opportunities that came with it. Perhaps God brought to my remembrance my list above, and I realized that I was able to experience many of them because I was single: graduate school, church assignments, all the traveling... Plus I have developed a deep sense of self-sufficiency and independence (maybe a little too much even) that has made me mentally and emotionally stronger.

Marriage and family is wonderful, and I still look forward to fulfilling those dreams one day. But I've also learned to stop looking at my single status as a denial or even a delay of blessings. Being single IS the blessing! 

And that's when I got down on my knees and thanked God for blessing me with the life that I had, and that I went through my entire twenties as a single person. I'm genuinely happy for those who found their True Love early on-- please invite me to your wedding! But I've stopped envying them, and come to understand that my life path is just different from theirs. All I need to do is trust that God will take care of me down whichever life path He wants to take me on. I'm going to live life to the fullest, regardless of my marital status.

Perhaps that's the biggest lesson I've gained in my twenties--that I can learn to be happy and grateful in whatever circumstances I find myself in. Of course, I recognize that I say this as a very privileged woman living in a prosperous, developed, safe and peaceful country. I doubt I can say this as easily if I was, say, a refugee.

But this is exactly why I've learned to be grateful for each and every day. The fact that I even have a blog, internet access, and an audience of readers who care enough to bear with this self-absorbed post, are all evidence of my privilege and how much I take for granted. Because there are so many others who don't even have a roof over their head, or food on their table. Or are lonely and depressed from all kinds of emotional and mental turmoil. Or feel alone and isolated, whether from separation or perception.

So thank you to all of you who bothered to read this blog post. Thank you for being part of my circle of loved ones who love and care about me. Believe me, I can remember how we met and interacted because I don't add strangers or bare acquaintances on my social media accounts. And each of you has added a ray of sunshine to my life, making it so much brighter and cheerful. I'm not the best family/ friend but I hope I've touched your life, even if it's only in a smaller way compared to how you've impacted mine.

A few months ago, I came across this video of Angelina Jolie receiving the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award at the 2013 Governors Ball Awards. Her acceptance speech has stuck with me, and there is really no better way to express how I feel as I enter a new decade of my life. Like her, I just want "to be of use." I hope her words will touch your hearts as it has inspired mine.  [You can start at 1:18]

(https://youtu.be/2ATgxOp31oI)

"I have never understood why some people are lucky enough to be born with the chance that I had, to have this path in life, and why across the world, there is a woman just like me, with the same abilities and the same desires, same work ethic and love for her family, who would most likely make better films and better speeches. Only she sits in a refugee camp, and she has no voice. She worries about what her children will eat, how to keep them safe, and if they'll ever be allowed to return home. I don't know why this is my life and that's hers. I don't understand that but I will do as my mother asked, and I will do the best I can with this life, to be of use."